


Six Purple Nipples and Smooth Curved Horns

by Nikolaus_Chaser



Series: Loki in Asgard [2]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gossip, Intersex Loki (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Kid Loki and Kid Thor (Marvel), M/M, Pranks, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 20:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18818833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikolaus_Chaser/pseuds/Nikolaus_Chaser
Summary: Thor is caught in a lie by Loki, so the lie turns into a practical joke and an ice-cream blackmailing scheme.





	Six Purple Nipples and Smooth Curved Horns

**Author's Note:**

> Thor and Loki are about 750 years old here, or the Aesir/Jotunn equivalent of 13/14 years old. They're tweens!

“Jotnar have no nipples,” Fandral says one day while they are skipping stones on the lake by the palace. His statement gives pause to his friends, especially Thor, who considers himself an expert on all things Jotunn. He lives with one, after all, and he’s never heard Prince Loki say anything about not having any nipples. But, then again, Loki was a relatively private being, and it is true that Thor has never seen him with his shirt off…

“That’s made up!” Sif declares, and she stomps over to Fandral and tosses her stone much farther than he had managed to.  Fandral glares at her, both for her physical triumph over him as well as her challenge of his intellect.

“Is not! I saw pictures in a book about Jotunheim and the warriors didn’t have any nipples.”

“How do they feed their young then, huh?” Sif demands, her arms crossed over her chest. Thor pauses to consider her logic, which he admits is impeccable as always. When Fandral looks to him for support all he can do is shrug in response, and his friend lets out an annoyed little huff.

“Well it’s quite obvious, really. They chew up their food and then spit it into their babies’ mouths, like penguins do!”

“That’s disgusting,” Sif says with a sneer.

“I don’t think that’s entirely accurate,” Hogan pipes up. It hadn’t even been obvious that he was listening to the conversation, but now Fandral’s entire face lights up when he realizes that he has a larger audience.  He’s simply beaming that he’s the center of attention, and Thor instantly feels a pit of jealousy forming in his stomach. He coughs, and all eyes turn to him.

“That’s because it’s not true,” he says, and he picks up the largest stone he can find and tosses it far off into the lake. It lands with a massive  _ splash _ , and Thor smiles smugly.  He pauses for a few seconds, thinking, and then he finally declares, “The Jotnar have six nipples. Because the winters are long, they like to have all their babies at once during the spring. And then they need all those extra nipples to feed their young, like Sif said.” He finishes off his fib with a reaffirming nod of his head, as if he is putting a seal of approval on his own outlandish story. Around him, his friends stare. One by one, though, they nod their heads in agreement with his tale. All except Fandral, who scoffs angrily at Thor.

“That is not true! You just made that up.”

“Did not! I saw it with my own eyes,” he sniffs, and when he sees that everyone is looking at him again, he preens. “The other day when Loki was bathing himself in the palace baths, he showed me. He has six nipples on his belly,” Thor presses his hands to his chest and sticks out his fingers, wiggling them back and forth to symbolize Loki’s alleged many nipples. “They’re purple, too.”

“No way,” Fandral huffs, but he looks a little less skeptical now. Sif rolls her eyes.

“Why don’t we just ask him himself?” she asks. Thor’s heart sinks into his stomach, but before he can think of a reasonable excuse for why Sif shouldn’t do that, his friend is already stomping off in Loki’s direction. 

Prince Loki is sitting primly against a nearby tree, skimming a book of Alfish Runes and munching on an apple. Sif stomps up to him and Loki puts the book down, looking up at her expectantly. She offers a little curtsy to the young prince and clears her throat.

“Prince Loki,” she begins, “my friends and I have a question for you.”  By this time all of the Warriors Three and Thor have gathered around the tree. Loki’s eyes skim the small crowd, his gaze lingering on Thor for a moment longer than all the rest. He turns his attention back to Sif.

“Lady Sif, what is your question?”

“How many nipples do you have?” She says, and behind her Fandral coughs to hide his laughter. Loki’s eyebrows crease, his expression darkening minutely. Sif jabs Fandral with her elbow to shut him up, and quickly adds, “it’s only that, there are not many books in the library about Jotunheim, and none at all about Jotunn anatomy. And Thor said that he saw you in the baths, and that you have six nipples.”

“He said they’re purple!” Fandral adds, excitedly. Loki is frowning now, and his gaze lands on Thor directly. The crown prince’s cheeks turn ruddy and he hangs his head in shame.

“So… you want me to show you my nipples?”

Sif seems to consider this for a moment. Thor feels like he could puke. Ultimately, the lady decides against this course of action.

“No; we will take your word for it.”

“Ah, well then,” Loki says, and he stretches lazily, reaching back for his book and thumbing through the pages to the one he left off on before Lady Sif and her entourage arrived. “What Thor says is true. The Jotnar do have six nipples and they are purple. Of course, I do wish that Thor would have kept it private what he saw in the baths,” he says, and when he looks at Thor there is a twinkle in his eyes that scares the crown prince. “Some secrets are meant to be kept between friends.”

“Oh, we won’t tell anyone!” Lady Sif is quick to assure Loki. The Warriors Three all nod their heads in agreement; Loki’s secret is safe with them.  “But thank you for sharing with us.”

“Of course. You know how I love to educate the masses,” Loki says dryly, a little smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. Thor narrows his eyes at the prince.  When his friends declare that they are all heading back to the lake, Thor tells them that he will be back shortly and stays behind to speak with Loki.

“You lied to them,” he says as soon as his friends are out of earshot. Loki chuckles.

“Only so much as you did yourself. In fact, I’d say that I just saved you from their ridicule,” Loki tuts, his smirk turning into a full blown smile. “Your friends are pretty dumb, though. Why on earth would the Jotnar have six nipples?”

Thor shrugs, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I dunno. It makes more sense than them having  _ none at all.” _

__

Loki’s eyes go wide, and he bites his tongue to keep himself from busting out with laughter. “Who suggested that?” he crows.

__

“Fandral.”

__

Loki snorts, “of course he did. He’s the dumbest of you all.”

__

“Hey, those are my friends you speak of,” Thor complains, but he doesn’t actually sound very annoyed. He sits down beside Loki. “Thanks for backing me up, though.”

__

“Anytime, Thor,” Loki says with a little smirk. “Anyway, think of all the pranks we can pull on them now. I bet we could convince them that I’ve actually got horns in my true form,” he suggests. Thor snickers, and Loki giggles, and together they quickly dissolve into fits of laughter. Finally, Loki ceases his laughing. “Seriously though, you owe me one. Like, maybe you could get your mom to make us some of those frozen ice cakes you know I love. Or you could get Odin to let me borrow Gungnir for a day or two, I don’t know.”

__

Thor siles. “I will see what I can do.”

__

Loki eats nothing but ice cream for the next two weeks, until Frigga finally has enough and force feeds him some Asgardian vegetables under threat of deportation to Jotunheimr. It’s not until two full years later that The Warriors Three and Lady Sif learn that all of it was a lie (though Hogun remains that he was never fully convinced in the first place) when they go on a hunting trip in Vanaheim and see Loki shirtless for the first time.  Thor is shamed by his friends for lying all those years ago, and Loki has a good laugh about it. 

__

The lot of them still believe he has goat horns in his true form, anyway.

__

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and tell me what you think! Any ideas/headcanons for this verse would be welcome as well.


End file.
